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Throw words on page please,

I need something to do in this cave with God.

It will help pass the time,

I’m lonely.

…

Blue World

Hands that work

Minds that see

Words no matter

Earth moved

Homes created

Lives lived

rage wrought

Good indeed

…

No matter how alone I presently feel, God is all ways available in the veil, I’ve currently allowed.

It’s been a rough month. I’m a recluse, hyper sensitive empath, remote blue collar shift industry working. Good morning is that enough stereo types for you? yes and proper grammar word things is not my fling. I get busted on my annual I almost said a similar word performance review about how f my paperwork is. I’m waiting ro see if I give a …., nope, still nope. I do shit for a living, like real world shit that helps get stuff from ground and transported to another place through the environment, and do my best to keep the environmentalists and feds off our ass.

Wow, I guess the coffee was a bit strong today. Anywhoo, where was I originally intending,

It’s been a rough month. You see what most people have no clue and many misperceptions about blue collar industry is the make up of the inmates. Yes I said that intentionally. and not all the inmates, numbers, fences, guards, are for keeping us in, it’s fro protection us from you. the socially acceptable people that live and work on the other side of the sheetrock, in “civilized” safe cocoon towns with your foo foo coffee, modern cars and what ever else I have no clue about.

Yes, I’m one of the unwhased uncouth beasts of burden, well actually that’s total bullshit, I have access to showers and I’m not tough, I’m actually highly emotional and sensitive, which is why I finally felt safe when I found up a fucked up remote work environment for the most part kept me away from the lying beuzaze, f I wish I had the ability to remember or smell? spell, whatever, anyway. YOu

You people scare us. Yep, I’m not speaking for all of us, just some. Mostly over 50 remote industry blue collar. We are the survivors of the late 60, 70 childhood, our baby food was Rambo,and terminator. the ratio of teachers to counselor in school of zero. I think maybe high school had 1, I was too stoned or hungover to remember.

anyway. it’s been a rough month. because those of us who survived the 70;s in which I mean did not end up in prison, institution, or pushing up daisies, and were lucking enough to be tapped on the universe and given an opportying to find our way on the rougher side of the work force, found a home. We could tolerate mental bullshit, emotional isolation, and harsh remote physical work environment, because well, that was already a familiar home.

Many times in fucked up conditions at work let me fill in a blanks( 3am, blizzard, -30F, power gen down, 100’s of miles from anything, sewing a parachute together with bailing wire to tent in a transformer to get the oil heated with a toga, so that if we get the turbine or the diesel up and running the power won’t blow the oil that’s rapidly freezing), younglings hmm, I like that word that auto spell thing did, people would ask why are you grinning and so happy. because, I was getting paid. doing unique shit most people can’t tolerate handle, and everyone needs. I’m directly plugged into the food chain between earth and safe space cubbies. Without me/us freaked out 70’s kids doing our thing, we learned from ww2, Korea, Vietnam, vets, y’all wouldn’t be living the good life. the difference between many our our child hoods and work hoods, was money, food, and rest. yeah, I said that right, I was finally getting money, food, and rest on a regular basis, and giving enough so that when I was told to go off shift for a couple weeks I could figure out how to create it outside the walls as well, and so many times running back to the comfort of harshness, because it was familiar.

You want to know the true therapy of a 70’s blue collar child survivor? work. hands, shit, done. yup.

I keep getting distracted aDD yup another common trade of the blue. The stupidest thing the elites ever did, was give us smart phones. We know what we survived, and yeah it’s affected up, the lucky of us know if we keep going forward, it’s ok, and we all know brothers and sisters, who died, young and old, because either the monsters inside or outside of the heads finally took them down.

If we haven’t forgotten the bullshit we survived, then we tend to get real pissed, the more we learn about what true evil people in power do, either to get keep or maintain, or threaten. I gotta say it’s boiling in us non verbal like. Up to this point, we check ourselves in for work and willing put on the badge the number, the FRC, PPE, etc, to protect us from u civilized fok, an you ways. We never stopped seeing through the bullshit, because we lived it first hand from day one. it’s big reason why we are attracted to remote real earth shit that needs to get done by the lucky capable few, we would rather be useful contributing member or society help raw materials to build, rather then destroy, but the more we learn witness the treatment of kids. For many us walking away from our “day Jobs” to take care of shit, is a one way street, because we aren’t polite, and are more action orientated, and have invested decades channeling our rage into our hands and making good shit happens that’s our therapy. ?Get it yet. Please let us work, please let us keep going to where you can’t handle, we really just want to send money to help, because we know who ever of us survive, would have to rebuild. we would rather keep fighting the monsters in our minds in front by churning out all the forms of raw earth you need for comfort, and opinion.

peace,

more on this later

I’m pissed. I don’t seem to have my mental health figured out yet. I. I. I. Be of service. Fuck Off. Maybe you need someone special. Fuck Off, been there done that twice. Let’s just say the domestication process failed. In ’08, my most recent relationship/financial failure blow, Hi Honey we need to talk, less then a year after signing a document that made me legally liable for a dual income home that would then cost me 70k to become homeless, here is 70 please take my home, so I double down became part time homeless and worked extra shifts. Anyway, where was I. I guess it’s a long time ago now, to youngness anyway, I sat down with God after that blow out, and said God, you pick the next relationship I’m supposed to be in because I appear to really suck at this. I’m serious, put me in a room of good women, inside and out, who would be whatever a good partner is in a relationship, and when crazy worst case scenario match and encourage my stupidity, and I’m like heeey… would you like a house and car?

Needless to say it took a couple years but I finally got the message, thanks God, God chose me to be in a relationship with myself and God. I think we are in a 14 year, itch stretch, what ever they call it. It’s weird, while I have respect for geniune spirit and good transformative results which there appears to be in just about every religion, and sacred text, I don’t belong to any. I’m ok I’ve been studying the tao since I was 18 stoned on a couch and a compadre flipped me the book and said you should read this before I took another tok. It was a brain meld match for me and continues to be, probably the one book on this planet I relate to the most, and I’m such an isolate, I didn’t know for years later that most people don’t understand or relate to it. Ok, Ok, I’ll admit it, I also have buddha’s and imagas of Buddha everywhere, and lately I have been reading buddhist scholars, and it’s a good match for me. Religion on the other hand nope, there were times and phase where when I attended church and did the thing, but yeah no.

What am I saying.

At times I feel like this is it I finally have my brain and life by the balls and yippee do da. I was in a multi-year phase of that recently until about a month ago. A series of events, and interactions, honestly, leveled me. I’m crashed out. I haven’t rebooted. My usual daily routines time sun, etc, haven’t done, as they have so well for so many years recently. Something happens, something big happens, whatever, give it a day a week, and my daily routine, and shit passes and perspective returns, and the goodness inside and out continues. But not this time. I’m lost crashed out and devastated.

It’s weird. Because I’m still physically taking good care of my house and home, yet zero to no creative juices directions bubbles restoration, has popped lifted reconnected. I’m empty. Isolated, not returning calls, etc. So mentally spiritually I suck right now.